Guns n' Bruises

If there is something on the order, that recently got forbidden in my home country, guess who is in? This Saturday I decided to play paintball for the first time in my life. I was never that interested in violent games - I sucked at Counterstrike when I played it once - and always preferred something more strategic. Apart from that I have not been in the military and my ligaments, that had been torn multiple times, were not the only reason why I might not have been a good fit for the German Bundeswehr.

Still, as a colleague of mine had the idea, I did not hesitate to say I would come. So there we were, on a rainy Saturday in the middle of a forest with a bunch of other people, willing to shoot you with yellow plastic balls filled with paint. First thing you get is a safety instruction - at least for the most important rules. Second, you get dressed up in nice black overalls and a helmet that makes you look like a predator for two reasons: First to be protected and second - and I guess more importantly - to scare your opponents off by looking more fierce and dangerous.

The first round was actually really boring. We started off with our team of eight and played a short 4-versus-4 in which most of the time everybody hid behind barrels. Then we had to buy more ammunition and I was wondering if this was worth it. When I read on the box that those balls were "Helal" and thus save for our Muslim friends, I wondered who would think of eating those. I got taught in the second round, while I had to defend a fortress against the other team. I got shot on the mouthpiece of my helmet and swallowed some paint. Does not taste that good, so even if it is safe, I would not recommend eating paintballs. And I was happy that head shots do not count.

Apart from this, the second game was really fun and also very challenging as every team had to be the attacking team once and then the defending team afterwards. The third and - for us - last game was interesting as well. The teams had to conquer and defend houses against the other team. This really gave you an adrenalin rush and as we were playing with some fierce looking Moldavian tourists some of whom did not understand a single word of English, also made me a little uncomfortable. Violent orders in Russian being shouted next to your ear and yellow paintballs hitting your butt from less than the three meters safety range (Thanks for that, nameless girl on my (!!!) team) taught me two things. First: Yes, there is a certain fun in playing gotcha. Second: The German military did not miss on a great soldier and I would definitely be one of the first to be shot in a real combat.

So I am happy to live a peaceful life and having gotten away with only three bruises - one particularly big one on my back - and close this post with the words of a wise dead musician (shot by the way):

"Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace..."